Understanding and Overcoming Difficulty Going to School: A Guide for Parents
As a parent, you might feel frustrated and concerned when your child has difficulty going to school. Understanding and Overcoming Difficulty Going to School is a mighty task for the whole family. It's important to recognise that this isn't a matter of refusal, but rather a challenge that needs understanding and collaborative problem-solving. The term "school refusal" often implies that children are in control and choosing not to go to school, which overlooks the underlying issues they face. Instead, let's focus on supporting your child through these challenges using Dr. Ross Greene's Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS) model.
Why "School Refusal" is a Misnomer
Referring to a child's difficulty with school as "school refusal" suggests:
❌ They are in control of the situation
❌ They are choosing not to go to school
❌ They are not motivated
In reality, children who struggle with going to school:
👉 Have problems with specific or all expectations of their school day
👉 Lack the skills to communicate their problems and frustrations adaptively
👉 Would go to school if they could
The Impact on the Child and Family
On the Child
Children experiencing difficulty going to school often face significant emotional and psychological impacts:
Anxiety and Stress: The anticipation of school can create anxiety and stress, making mornings particularly challenging.
Low Self-Esteem: Repeated struggles can lead to feelings of inadequacy or failure.
Social Isolation: Missing school can result in missed social interactions, leading to loneliness and difficulty forming friendships.
Academic Challenges: Frequent absences can result in falling behind academically, which can further compound stress and anxiety.
On the Family
The impact of a child's difficulty going to school extends beyond the individual, affecting the entire family unit:
Parental Stress: Parents often feel stressed, frustrated, and helpless, which can affect their emotional well-being.
Family Dynamics: The stress surrounding school attendance can strain family relationships and create tension among family members.
Work-Life Balance: Parents may have to take time off work or rearrange their schedules, impacting their professional lives and financial stability.
Siblings: Other children in the family might feel neglected or stressed due to the attention and resources directed toward the child struggling with school.
How to Tackle Difficulty Going to School
Mornings can be a battle when it's time for school. It's common for kids to face difficulties with various aspects of their school day, whether it's the bus ride, different subjects, or lunchtime. The good news is that the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions Model can help you address these challenges and make mornings smoother for everyone.
Step 1: Investigate and Understand
Start by being a detective! 🕵️♂️ Ask your child about their school day and what specifically is causing them trouble. Is it the bus ride? Do they struggle with certain subjects? Maybe lunchtime feels overwhelming. Understanding their perspective is crucial in finding effective solutions.
Step 2: Choose One Challenge to Tackle
Remember, you can't solve everything at once. Choose one aspect of the school day that seems to have the biggest impact on your child. By focusing your efforts, you can make meaningful progress more effectively.
Step 3: Share Your Concerns
Communicate why it is important for you that they go to school. Is it their learning, friendships, or health you are concerned about? Remember, their difficulties and your concerns are not the same thing.
Step 4: Problem-Solving Together
Now, let's put on our problem-solving hats! Work together with your child to come up with a solution that addresses both of your concerns. The goal of collaborative problem solving is to address both of your concerns. This means that going to school might not always be the immediate solution to address those concerns.
Conclusion
If your child is having difficulty going to school, understanding and addressing their challenges collaboratively can make a significant difference. By using the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions Model, you can work together to find practical solutions that work for everyone. Remember, the journey to overcoming these difficulties is a shared one.
For more in-depth support, consider joining our 8-week parent group coaching program.
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