Transforming Challenging Behaviors: A Collaborative Approach for Parents and Educators
Parenting and educating children can be a challenging journey, especially when faced with concerning behaviours resulting from unmet expectations. While it's natural for caregivers and educators to respond differently to various behaviours, it's crucial to remember that behind every action is a child struggling to meet certain expectations. In this article, we'll explore the distinction between "lucky" and "unlucky" children, both of whom display challenging behaviours. We'll also introduce the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions model by Dr. Ross Greene, a powerful approach to addressing these problems empathetically and collaboratively, ultimately fostering a better future for families.
Understanding "Lucky" and "Unlucky" Children
"Lucky" Children: Displaying Vulnerability
"Lucky" children often respond to expectations they have difficulty meeting with behaviours such as withdrawal, crying, or whining. These behaviours tend to elicit feelings of empathy from caregivers and educators. When these children struggle to meet expectations, their caregivers often offer support and understanding. This empathy-driven response helps the child feel heard and valued, contributing to a more positive emotional environment.
"Unlucky" Children: Reacting with Aggression
In contrast, "unlucky" children may respond to their difficulty meeting expectations with shouting, swearing, or even aggression. Unfortunately, these behaviours often evoke negative reactions from caregivers and educators. These children are less likely to receive the empathy they desperately need. Instead, they may face exclusion, punishment, or even physical discipline, exacerbating their emotional struggles.
The Common Underlying Factor
It's crucial to recognise that both groups of children exhibit these behaviours for the same fundamental reason: they are unable to meet certain expectations. Whether it's due to executive function challenges, sensory sensitivities, emotional regulation difficulties, or other factors, these children are grappling with unmet needs and frustrations.
The Collaborative and Proactive Solutions Model
Dr Ross Greene's Collaborative and Proactive Solutions model offers a transformative approach to address children's challenging behaviours and unmet expectations. This model focuses on collaboration, empathy, and proactive problem-solving to foster positive outcomes for children and families.
Three Steps to Collaborative Problem Solving
1. Empathy: Gathering Information
The first step is to gather as much information as possible from your child about what makes meeting the expectations difficult for them. Engage in open and non-judgmental communication to understand their perspective fully. This step helps create a sense of trust and demonstrates your commitment to their well-being.
2. Share Your Concerns
After empathetically listening to your child's perspective, share your concerns regarding the situation. Be honest and transparent about your expectations, but do so in a way that conveys empathy and understanding. Let your child know that you are a team working together to find a solution.
3. Collaborative Problem-Solving
Invite your child to join you in solving the problem collaboratively. Ensure that both parties' concerns are considered during this process. Encourage your child to offer their suggestions and ideas. This collaborative approach empowers children, helping them feel a sense of agency and responsibility for their actions.
In the world of parenting and education, it's essential to remember that all children, whether "lucky" or "unlucky" in their behaviour, struggle to meet certain expectations. Dr. Ross Greene's Collaborative and Proactive Solutions model provides a valuable framework for addressing these challenges with empathy and collaboration. By following the three simple but not easy steps outlined above, caregivers and educators can create a nurturing environment where children's needs are met, and concerning behaviour can disappear, paving the way for a brighter future for families.
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