As parents, we all face challenges when it comes to managing explosive behaviours. Misunderstandings, conflicts, and trying parenting techniques that don't work for neurodivergent kids, can leave us feeling frustrated and unsure of how to proceed. However, Dr. Ross Greene’s Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS) model offers a compassionate and effective approach to improving behaviour and resolving issues together. In this article, we’ll explore how to solve problems with your child and improve their behaviour using the CPS model.
Understanding the CPS Model
Dr. Ross Greene’s CPS model is rooted in the belief that "kids do well if they can." This perspective emphasises that children’s challenging behaviours are often the result of skills such as flexibility, adaptability, emotional regulation, problem solving and frustration tolerance that they have difficulty using, rather than intentional defiance or manipulation. The CPS model focuses on collaboration between parents and children to identify and address the underlying problems contributing to problematic behaviour.
Key Components of the CPS Model
1. Empathy and Understanding: Understanding your child's perspective and the reasons behind their behaviour.
2. Defining the Problem: Clearly articulating the concern or issue that needs to be addressed.
3. Finding Solutions: Collaboratively generating and evaluating potential solutions to find a mutually satisfactory resolution.
Step by step on How to solve Problems and Improve Behaviour Using the CPS Model
1. Identify Skills and Unsolved Problems
Start by observing your child’s behaviour and identifying specific expectations your child has difficulty meeting. Common lagging skills might include difficulty with emotional regulation, problem-solving, or flexibility. Document these situations to create a clear picture of where your child needs support.
2. Engage in Empathy and Understanding
Before addressing the problem, take the time to understand your child’s perspective. This involves active listening and validating their feelings without judgment. Ask open-ended questions like, “What’s going on?” or “Can you help me understand why this is hard for you?”
3. Define the Problem
Once you’ve gained insight into your child’s perspective, it’s time to clearly define the problem. This involves both the parent and child expressing their concerns. For example, you might say, “I’ve noticed that getting ready for school in the morning is really challenging for you and makes us both stressed. Let’s figure out what makes this difficult for you.”
4. Collaborate on Solutions
Work together to find a realistic solution that solves both of your concerns. Encourage your child to contribute ideas and ensure that both of your concerns are addressed. Evaluate each idea together, discussing the pros and cons, and choose a solution that works for both parties. This collaborative approach empowers your child and promotes a sense of ownership over the solution.
5. Implement and Reflect
Put the chosen solution into practice and monitor its effectiveness. Be patient and open to making adjustments as needed. Regularly check in with your child to discuss how the solution is working and make any necessary tweaks.
Benefits of the CPS Model
Improved Communication
The CPS model fosters open and honest communication between parents and children. By prioritising empathy and understanding, you create a safe space for your child to express their feelings and concerns.
Enhanced Problem-Solving Skills
Collaboratively brainstorming solutions teaches your child valuable problem-solving skills. They learn how to evaluate different options, consider the consequences, and make informed decisions.
Enhanced Social and Emotional Skills
By involving your child in a problem solving conversation, you teach them how to talk calmly about their problems and frustrations. They will learn how to listen and take another person's perspective into account when thinking of solutions.
Stronger Parent-Child Relationship
The collaborative nature of the CPS model strengthens the parent-child relationship. When children feel heard and respected, they are more likely to cooperate and exhibit positive behavior.
Reduced episodes of concerning behaviours
Addressing the underlying causes of challenging behaviour reduces the likelihood of future episodes. By solving problems with your child you help them create tool box of solutions that they will be able to use in other situations, giving them tools to solve other problems independently.
Conclusion
Solving problems with your child and improving their behavior doesn’t have to be a battle. Dr. Ross Greene’s Collaborative and Proactive Solutions model offers a compassionate and effective approach to addressing the root causes of challenging behaviour. By fostering empathy, defining problems clearly, and collaborating on solutions, you can enhance your child’s behavior and strengthen your relationship. Remember, the goal is to help your child succeed because “kids do well if they can.” Start implementing the CPS model today and experience the positive changes in your family dynamics.
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