What If You Could Help Your Neurodivergent Child Stop Struggling with Emotional Regulation?
Watching your child struggle with emotional regulation can feel like riding a never-ending roller coaster. The intense meltdowns, frustration, and unpredictable emotional swings might leave you feeling overwhelmed or even powerless. But what if you could do something to help? What if, instead of feeling helpless, you had tools to support your child in learning how to manage their emotions?
Good news—you *do* have that power. Teaching a child emotional regulation may sound complicated, but with the right approach, it’s entirely possible. One of the most effective methods for helping neurodivergent kids regulate emotions is the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS) model, developed by Dr. Ross Greene. This approach has helped many families (including mine) and can help yours too.
Let’s explore what emotional regulation really means, how the CPS model works, and the steps you can take to help your child find peace and emotional stability.
Understanding Emotional Regulation and Why It’s a Struggle for Neurodivergent Kids
Emotional regulation is the ability to recognise, understand, and manage emotions. For neurodivergent children, this skill is often challenging because their brains process information and stimuli differently. Whether due to ADHD, autism, or other neurodivergent conditions, many kids experience intense emotional reactions to situations that might seem small to others.
For example, your child might feel deeply frustrated when asked to stop a favorite activity or overwhelmed by loud noises. Without effective tools to manage these intense feelings, they may react with anger, sadness, or even aggression.
By understanding this you can help your neurodivergent child stop struggling with emotional regulation.
Why CPS Is the Key to Helping Your Child with Emotional Regulation
The Collaborative and Proactive Solutions model offers a way to approach these situations that doesn’t rely on punishment, reward charts, or simply “getting tough.” Instead, CPS is about understanding the root cause of your child’s emotional outbursts and working together to find solutions.
Here’s the heart of CPS: Kids do well if they *can*. If your child is struggling to manage emotions, it’s not because they’re being “bad” or stubborn—it’s because they don’t yet have the skills to handle the situation. The CPS model teaches us that when children struggle, we need to understand their lagging skills (like emotional regulation) and proactively help them develop those skills.
Steps to Support Your Child’s Emotional Regulation Through CPS
Ready to put CPS into action? Here are some practical steps you can take to start helping your child today.
1. Identify Triggers Together
Start by observing and identifying what situations seem to trigger strong emotions in your child. This might be transitions (like leaving the park), sensory overload, or frustration with tasks that are challenging for them. Write down patterns you notice, and then gently discuss these observations with your child.
You might say, “I notice that getting ready to go to school is sometimes hard for you. I wonder what makes it feel that way?”
This step is all about gathering information and understanding your child’s perspective. Let them share as much or as little as they want, and be sure to validate their feelings without judgment.
2. Collaborate on Solutions
Once you understand what situations are most challenging, work together with your child to brainstorm solutions. This part of the process isn’t about telling them what to do; it’s about involving them in the problem-solving process.
Let’s say your child finds it hard to transition from screen time to bedtime. You could say, “I notice stopping your game at bedtime is really hard for you. I wonder if we could come up with a plan that makes it a little easier. Do you have any ideas?”
By collaborating, you’re not only finding a solution—you’re also teaching them the skill of planning and problem-solving.
3. Practice Emotional Regulation Skills During Calm Times
Emotional regulation skills can’t be taught in the heat of the moment. Instead, take advantage of calm times to introduce strategies for managing big emotions. Practice deep breathing, counting to ten, or visualising a calming place.
You can say something like, “I know sometimes it feels overwhelming when you’re upset. I wonder if we could try some ways to feel calmer. Do you want to try them together?”
These skills will become tools your child can use when they feel strong emotions in the future.
4. Reflect and Adjust
CPS is a learning process, so it’s okay if the first solution doesn’t work perfectly. Take time to check in with your child and see how things are going. You could say, “How did you feel about our plan for screen time last night? Did it help, or is there something we could change?”
This step encourages open communication, helps you learn what works best, and reminds your child that you’re in this together.
What CPS Means for Your Peace of Mind—and Your Child’s Future
Helping your child build emotional regulation skills doesn’t happen overnight, but the journey is worth it. By using CPS, you’re equipping your child with skills they can carry with them into adulthood, improving not only their ability to handle emotions but also their relationships, learning experiences, and overall well-being.
And as for you? You’ll begin to feel less like you’re constantly putting out fires and more like you’re building a lasting foundation of trust and resilience. When emotional meltdowns happen (because they still might from time to time), you’ll know that you and your child have a plan and are working toward a solution together.
Investing in Emotional Regulation Today for a Brighter Tomorrow
The power to make a change is in your hands. Emotional regulation is not an impossible dream for your child—it’s a skill they can learn with support, practice, and patience. The CPS model empowers you to guide your child, not with punishments or rigid rules, but with empathy, collaboration, and proactive solutions.
Your child deserves a future where emotions are manageable and not overwhelming. And you deserve the peace of mind that comes with knowing you’re helping them build it.
If you’re ready to start, take the first step today: observe, collaborate, practice, and reflect. It might not be easy, but it will be worth it—for both of you.
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