As a parent coach, the first piece of advice I offer to parents is simple yet profound: Ditch the behaviour charts. This often elicits puzzled responses from parents who have diligently used behaviour charts for months, if not years. "Why?" they ask. "We've been using them, and they seemed to work at times." My response is always the same: If they were truly successful, you wouldn't need them anymore.
In this article, we will delve deep into the world of behavioural charts, understanding their limitations and why they often fail to produce lasting positive change in children's behaviour. More importantly, we will explore an alternative approach that addresses challenging behaviours and fosters essential life skills and communication abilities in children. We'll introduce Dr. Ross W. Greene's Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS), a revolutionary framework that replaces behaviour charts with empathy, collaboration, and problem-solving invitations.
The Limitations of Behavioural Charts
Behavioural charts have been a staple in parenting and education for decades. The idea behind them is simple: children are rewarded or punished based on their behaviour, with the hope that this will encourage desirable behaviour and discourage undesirable behaviour. However, despite their widespread use, behavioural charts have several significant limitations.
1. Superficial Focus on Behavior: The most glaring issue with behavioural charts is their exclusive focus on external behaviours. These charts often ignore the underlying reasons and emotions driving a child's actions. This narrow perspective limits parents' ability to truly understand and address the root causes of challenging behaviour.
2. Temporary Compliance: Behavioural charts may produce temporary compliance, but they rarely lead to long-term behaviour change. Children may behave well to earn rewards or avoid consequences in the short term, but this often does not translate into lasting behavioural improvements. As soon as the external motivator is removed, the problematic behaviour tends to resurface.
3. Stigmatisation and Labeling: Behavioural charts can inadvertently stigmatise children by making their behavioural struggles public. This can lead to feelings of shame and inadequacy, which are counterproductive to building self-esteem and emotional resilience.
4. Missed Opportunities for Skill Building: A fundamental flaw in behaviour charts is that they do not teach children essential life skills. Instead of addressing the root causes of challenging behaviour, they rely on external control mechanisms. This prevents children from developing crucial skills such as emotional regulation, problem-solving, and effective communication.
Understanding Challenging Behavior
To comprehend why behavioural charts fall short in fostering lasting behavioural change, we must first recognise that challenging behaviour is often a signal. It is a form of communication that children use to express their inability to meet certain expectations or cope with specific situations. Instead of dismissing or punishing these behaviours, we should view them as valuable clues to understanding what's going on beneath the surface.
Children resort to challenging behaviour because they lack the necessary skills to deal with their emotions, frustrations, and challenges in a more adaptive way. These lagging skills may include:
1. Flexibility: The ability to adapt to changing situations and demands.
2. Emotional Regulation: Managing and expressing emotions appropriately.
3. Problem-solving: Finding effective solutions to challenges.
4. Frustration Tolerance: Coping with frustration and disappointment constructively.
When children exhibit challenging behaviours, it's often an indication that they are struggling in one or more of these areas. Instead of merely addressing the behaviour itself, we should aim to enhance these essential skills and equip children with the tools they need to face life's challenges.
Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS): A New Approach
Dr. Ross W. Greene, a renowned clinical psychologist, offers a groundbreaking alternative to traditional behaviour management techniques with his Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS) model. CPS is a compassionate and effective approach that replaces behaviour charts and punishment-based methods with empathy, collaboration, and problem-solving.
The CPS model consists of three essential steps:
1. Empathy
The first step in CPS is to empathise with the child. This means understanding and acknowledging their feelings and perspectives. Empathy allows parents to connect with their children on a deeper level, fostering trust and open communication.
When a child exhibits challenging behaviour, instead of reacting with frustration or punishment, parents should pause and try to see the situation from the child's point of view. This step sets the foundation for a more constructive and supportive interaction.
2. Define Adult Concerns
Once empathy is established, it's time to define adult concerns. These are the specific expectations or demands that the child is struggling to meet. It's crucial to clarify these concerns with precision, ensuring that they are realistic and appropriate for the child's age and developmental stage.
By explicitly identifying adult concerns, parents can gain clarity about the root causes of the challenging behaviour and avoid vague or arbitrary consequences. This step also provides a basis for collaboration in finding mutually agreeable solutions.
3. Problem-Solving Invitation
The final step in CPS involves inviting the child to participate in problem-solving. This is where parents and children work together to find solutions that address the identified concerns while respecting the child's input and feelings.
Problem-solving invitations should be collaborative, respectful, and solution-oriented. Children are encouraged to share their perspectives and ideas, which empowers them to take an active role in managing their behaviour and developing essential life skills.
The Benefits of CPS
Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS) offer a range of benefits over traditional behaviour charts and punitive approaches:
1. Fosters Empathy: CPS encourages parents to empathise with their children, promoting a deeper understanding of their emotions and struggles. This empathetic connection enhances the parent-child relationship.
2. Addresses Root Causes: By focusing on the underlying issues and lagging skills, CPS tackles the root causes of challenging behaviour rather than just managing symptoms.
3. Builds Life Skills: Through the collaborative problem-solving process, children learn vital life skills such as emotional regulation, conflict resolution, and effective communication.
4. Encourages Autonomy: CPS empowers children to be active participants in managing their behaviour and making decisions, fostering a sense of autonomy and responsibility.
5. Offers a repertoire of solutions: With each resolved issue, your child acquires an additional method to confront challenges adaptively.
By implementing the CPS approach, parents can shift the focus from behaviour modification to skill development and problem-solving. It fosters a deeper connection between parents and children and teaches children valuable life skills that extend far beyond the immediate situation.
In conclusion, while behavioural charts may offer short-term compliance, they often fail to address the underlying issues causing challenging behaviour in children. Instead of relying on external rewards and consequences, we should strive to understand and nurture the essential skills our children need to navigate life successfully. The Collaborative and Proactive Solutions approach offers a more effective and empathetic way to help our children develop these skills and resolve behavioural challenges in a way that promotes long-term growth and positive change. So, it's time to ditch the behaviour charts and embrace a more holistic and collaborative approach to parenting.
Comments