Introduction
A peaceful bedtime routine is the goal of many parents, but for some families, the process can be a source of frustration and stress. When children struggle to meet bedtime expectations, the challenges can escalate, leaving parents at a loss for how to help their child wind down and sleep peacefully. One effective solution to this problem is the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model, which focuses on working with your child to understand the root of their difficulties and creating solutions together.
In this blog post, we'll explore how to Create a Bedtime Routine with your Neurodivergent Child using the CPS model to develop a collaborative, peaceful bedtime routine, why children sometimes can't meet expectations around bedtime, and how parental reactions can either hinder or help the process.
Why Some Children Struggle to Meet Bedtime Expectations
Many parents expect their child to simply follow the steps of a bedtime routine: brush teeth, put on pyjamas, get into bed, and fall asleep. But for some children, particularly those who are neurodivergent or have difficulty with transitions, this isn't always straightforward.
The CPS model is based on the understanding that when children aren’t meeting expectations, it's not because they are unwilling to do so, but because they are unable to. Children might struggle with bedtime routines for a variety of reasons:
- Sensory sensitivities: Some children are sensitive to the texture of pajamas, the brightness of a room, or the noise level in the house, all of which can make bedtime challenging.
- Difficulty with transitions: Shifting from active play to a quiet, restful state can be difficult, especially for children who thrive on routine and predictability during the day.
- Anxiety or fears: Fear of the dark, worries about the next day, or anxiety in general can make winding down at night feel impossible for some children.
- Sleep disorders: Some children have underlying sleep issues, such as insomnia, which make it difficult for them to follow a traditional bedtime routine.
When children cannot meet these expectations, it's important to understand that they aren’t being defiant. Instead, they are struggling with specific problems that make it hard to complete the routine as expected.
How Our Reactions Impact Children’s Behaviour at Bedtime
When a child struggles to meet bedtime expectations, parents’ natural response might be to increase pressure—reminding them over and over, giving them time limits, or expressing frustration. But in reality, the way we react can directly impact a child’s behaviour. If a child feels overwhelmed by a parent's frustration or pressure, they might become more anxious or oppositional, further escalating the problem.
Here’s where the CPS model becomes particularly useful. Instead of reacting to the problem with frustration, the CPS approach encourages parents to remain calm, curious, and proactive. By understanding that behaviour is a form of communication, parents can focus on identifying the specific reasons their child is having difficulty with bedtime, and then work collaboratively to solve the problem.
How CPS Can Change the Bedtime Routine
The CPS model is built around the idea of **collaborative problem-solving**. Here’s how you can apply it to create a more peaceful bedtime routine:
1. Empathy step: Start by gathering information from your child about what makes bedtime hard for them. This isn’t about blaming the child, but rather understanding their perspective. Ask open-ended questions like, "I’ve noticed it’s been hard for you to get to bed on time. What’s going on?" or "Is there something about bedtime that’s bothering you?"
2. Define the problem: Once you understand the child’s perspective, clearly articulate the problem. For example, “You’re having trouble falling asleep because the room feels too bright, and I need you to get to bed so you can rest and be ready for tomorrow.”
3. Brainstorm solutions together: Work with your child to come up with solutions that address both their concerns and your expectations. Maybe they need a dimmer light, or perhaps playing calming music would help ease their transition into sleep. By involving the child in this process, they are more likely to feel invested in the solution and comply with the new routine.
4. Try the solution and adjust as needed: Once you’ve agreed on a solution, try it out for a few days or weeks. If it works, great! If not, you can go back to the drawing board and collaboratively find another approach.
Benefits of CPS for Bedtime Routines
The CPS model offers several benefits when applied to bedtime:
- Improved communication: Instead of simply telling your child what to do, CPS fosters open dialogue and helps the child feel heard and understood. This can reduce power struggles and improve the parent-child relationship.
- More buy-in from the child: Because your child is involved in creating the bedtime routine, they’re more likely to take ownership of the process and follow through with it.
- Long-term problem-solving skills: Over time, children learn how to identify problems, think critically, and work collaboratively to come up with solutions—skills that will benefit them beyond bedtime.
- Reduced meltdowns: When children feel understood and involved in the solution process, they are less likely to experience emotional dysregulation or meltdowns, making bedtime smoother for everyone involved.
Final Thoughts
Bedtime doesn’t have to be a battleground. By using the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model, you can help your child meet bedtime expectations in a way that feels respectful and supportive. Remember, the goal is not just to get your child into bed, but to understand the underlying reasons for their struggles and work together to find solutions that work for both of you.
If bedtime has been a source of stress in your home, try approaching it proactively and collaboratively. You may be surprised at how much easier the process becomes when you and your child are solving problems together.
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