Mornings can be tough for any family, but for parents of neurodivergent children, they can feel especially overwhelming. Neurodivergent children, including those with autism, ADHD, or other social and emotional skills difficulties, may struggle with the fast pace and expectations that come with starting the day. This is where declarative language can make a significant difference.
Declarative language is a communication style that promotes collaboration, independence, and executive function skills by gently guiding children without direct instructions. Instead of telling a child what to do, you share observations, offer choices, or express curiosity. This can help neurodivergent children feel more in control and less pressured, reducing stress for everyone involved.
In this article, we’ll explore what declarative language is, how you can create stress-free and calm mornings with Your ADHD Child: Using Declarative Language, and practical tips for using it to create smoother mornings.
What Is Declarative Language?
Declarative language is a form of communication that focuses on sharing thoughts, feelings, or observations rather than giving direct commands. For example, instead of saying, “Pack your PE kit,” you could say, “I notice you have PE today. I wonder if you remember what to pack.” This approach encourages children to think for themselves and engage in problem-solving, which builds executive function skills—the skills needed to manage time, focus attention, and plan ahead.
Neurodivergent children often benefit from declarative language because it removes the pressure of being told what to do, which can be overwhelming or trigger resistance. Instead, it allows them to process information at their own pace and make decisions independently.
How You Can Create a Stress-Free and Calm Mornings with Your ADHD Child: Using Declarative Language?
Promotes Independence: When children are given the space to make choices or think through tasks on their own, they become more self-reliant. Declarative language fosters independence by encouraging decision-making without direct orders.
Supports Executive Function Development: By guiding children to think about what needs to be done, declarative language helps them practice planning, organizing, and managing tasks—all critical executive function skills.
Reduces Stress and Power Struggles: Neurodivergent children may feel anxious or overwhelmed when given direct commands. Declarative language reduces the feeling of being controlled, which can prevent meltdowns or refusals.
Encourages Social and Emotional Learning: Declarative language models calm, collaborative communication. It gives children time to reflect on their actions, making it easier to develop self-awareness and emotional regulation.
10 Declarative Language Starters for Stress-Free Mornings
Here are some easy-to-use declarative phrases that can transform your mornings:
"I wonder if you’d prefer to have a shower tonight or in the morning."This gives your child the power of choice, promoting independence while ensuring they take responsibility for personal hygiene.
"I notice you have PE today. I wonder if you remember what to pack."Instead of directing them to pack their PE kit, this encourages them to think ahead and plan.
"Are you keeping an eye on the time?"This simple reminder prompts them to manage their time effectively without feeling nagged.
"Your breakfast is ready."A straightforward observation that helps children stay on track with the morning routine without commanding them to eat.
"I see your jacket is hanging on the peg."This subtly directs their attention to something they might need, allowing them to decide what to do next.
"I wonder what time we need to leave to be on time."Encourages your child to think about the schedule and helps build time management skills.
"I notice your shoes are by the door."This helps them remember an important task—putting on shoes—without the need for a direct order.
"I’m curious about how you’re feeling this morning."A gentle way to help your child tune into their emotions and start developing self-awareness.
"I wonder what’s next on our morning checklist."This promotes the use of a routine or visual schedule, helping children stay organized.
"I see you’ve started your breakfast. I wonder what’s next."This helps them recognize the flow of tasks, encouraging them to take the next step independently.
Tips for Making Declarative Language Successful
Stay Calm and Neutral: Declarative language works best when delivered in a calm, neutral tone. This prevents children from feeling pressured or anxious.
Focus on Observations, Not Commands: Instead of telling your child what to do, share what you notice. This gives them the space to decide their next steps.
Use Curiosity: Phrases like “I wonder…” or “I’m curious about…” spark your child’s natural curiosity and invite them to think through problems independently.
Be Patient: Neurodivergent children may need more time to process information. Give them the space to think before jumping in with further guidance.
Keep It Short and Simple: Short, clear statements are easier for children to understand and process, especially during the busy morning routine.
Offer Choices: Giving your child choices, like deciding when to shower, promotes autonomy and reduces resistance.
Model Problem-Solving: Use declarative language to model how you approach tasks. For example, you could say, “I’m thinking about what time we need to leave to make sure we’re not late.”
Use Visual Supports: Combine declarative language with visual schedules or checklists to help children stay organized and focused.
Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge your child’s successes, even small ones, to build their confidence in making independent decisions.
Consistency Is Key: Use declarative language consistently so that it becomes part of your daily routine. Over time, your child will start to respond more naturally to this style of communication.
How Declarative Language Supports Your Child's Development
Using declarative language helps neurodivergent children in various ways:
Independence: When you ask, “I wonder if you remember what to pack,” your child takes ownership of the task, boosting self-reliance.
Executive Function Skills: Phrases like “Are you keeping an eye on the time?” help children manage time and plan ahead, key components of executive functioning.
Emotional Regulation: Saying “I’m curious about how you’re feeling this morning” helps your child develop emotional awareness and self-regulation skills.
By incorporating declarative language into your morning routine, you empower your neurodivergent child to develop critical life skills in a supportive, stress-free environment.
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